See a Melon Head, BAM You’re Dead
by Katie Heines, Staff Writer

Know anyone with the disease, hydrocephalus? I sure hope not, because, if you do, you might be friends with a vicious melon head. Hydrocephalus, mistakenly dubbed “water on the brain,” is actually a disease caused by cerebrospinal fluid around the brain. The fluid often causes swelling of the head, resulting in the nickname “melon heads.” You may ask, “Are melon heads even real?” I can assure you that, yes, they definitely are. The West G. Ghost Busters ventured into the woods of Wisner Road and had quite a creepy encounter in the supposed “Melon Head Forest.” “It was the scariest hour of my life,” said junior Elle Javorek. “I didn’t know what to expect when they asked me to join the Ghost Busters, but I definitely wasn’t expecting it to be this scary.” Senior head ghost buster and Whirlwind staffer Tim Balkovec actually said, “I saw them coming towards us, said a little prayer, felt a few teardrops drip down my cheeks, and then just started running to the car.”
One story has it that “back in the day,” a man named Dr. Crowe volunteered to try and help cure a batch of children with hydrocephalus. He planned to use his own tools and treat the patients on his own property. Thankfully for him, the government approved of his plan. He carried out all of his experiments and procedures while hidden deep in the woods of Kirtland at the Felt Mansion. Legend has it that Crowe was a very deranged man and performed atrocities on the children. He spent his time injecting more and more fluid into his patients’ heads and torturing them endlessly. Eventually, Dr. Crowe took the crazy melonheads and locked them in cages in a barn on his property. One night, the barn burned down, killing Dr. Crowe and numerous melon heads. A few melon heads, however, survived and still live in the woods.
However you choose to interpret the legend, the melonheads are still around! They spend their days in the woods near Wisner Road in Kirtland, hunting for human flesh to feast upon. If you are gutsy enough to go hunting for these little, vicious creatures, you better wear dark colors. It is said that melon heads have bad vision and cannot see people who wear dark colors. However, if you choose to wear something more vibrant and light, you better be able to run over 50 miles per hour or they will catch you.
“Good thing we wore black,” said senior Whirlwind editor Kathleen Dolphin.